Sunday thoughts: an extravagant table - thoughts on hospitality

Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares. (Hebrews 13:2)

Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. (1 Peter 4:9)

Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. (Romans 12:13)

He said also to the man who had invited him, “When you give a dinner or a banquet, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or rich neighbours, lest they also invite you in return and you be repaid. But when you give a feast, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you. For you will be repaid at the resurrection of the just.” (Luke 14:12-14)

God sets the lonely in families (Psalm 68:6)

Our dining table is quite big for the space it occupies.  In fact,  I think if an interior designer were to look at our house they would say: get a smaller table - it would feel much more spacious.  I'm sorry to say that in the five years we've owned it we have not extended our dining table to the full extra 50% it extends.  Babies, illness and Covid have meant that we've struggled to live up to the expectations of hospitality we imagined when preparing for marriage - particularly during the period we've owned this particular table.  But we've received so much hospitality from others, and it's something I've been thinking about a lot recently.

I don't know whether it's just me, but I think it's easy to see hospitality as an additional extra for really good Christians , or something that some particular people are called to do - those with a bit of space and who are good at cooking.  It's also possible to see it as slightly frivolous - less important than maybe some other church roles.  Is not the word of God more important than serving the coffee?  

Of course, if the word of God is absent then the coffee is in vain, but I've come to realise recently that hospitality is of fundamental importance in so many ways.  

We always hear about the fact that hospitality was incredibly important in the cultures in which the Bible was originally written - more important, perhaps, than it is to our culture.  One reason for this has got to be a practical one.  Hospitality was much harder to outsource - there were far fewer hotels and restaurants.  When the apostles travelled around setting up churches, they had no choice to stay with fellow believers in their homes.  If someone was in need of a meal, there was not a supermarket around the corner open late or a fast-food takeaway.  I'm reminded of a time I was abroad in a rural part of another country, cycling with friends.  We'd read that there was some kind of cafe or restaurant along the route and had planned to stop there, but could find no such thing.  We came across a small house and asked the residents if they knew if there was anywhere to get food - and so they invited us in and gave us lunch!

And of course, today we can also outsource the job of feeding those among us who cannot afford to eat - there are plenty of charities and foodbanks to whom we can send money without needing to get involved in the act of actually providing food. 

A further reason why we think hospitality is trivial is that we conflate it is entertaining.  I heard a sermon very recently that touched a lot on hospitality and the preacher made an important point - entertaining is where the focus is on you - or on your food, house and experience you can provide.  It's all about how impressive you can be - and an important part of this is the ability to cook an impressive meal!

I've heard it said that hospitality has decreased in importance over the last 50 years, but given that I haven't lived that long I can't possibly say if that is true.  However, some things are different for us than for the original hearers of both the Old and New Testaments.  So what does this mean for us?

I've come to conclusion recently that hospitality is about welcoming others into our lives and caring for their practical and emotional needs.  It has to be both of those things - and each is a means to the other.   In our culture, hospitality does not mean having to cook all the food from scratch.  It doesn't even have to mean inviting people physically into our homes, but can be manifested in so many ways.

Why do we need hospitality? We're all familiar with the analogy of being a body - all playing different parts (e.g. 1 Corinthians 12). For years I thought, unconsciously, this just applied to all the different jobs involved in carrying out the ministry of a church. Some are preachers and teachers, others great administrators, others good at hospitality, etc, and all are equally important. However it's so much more than that. We are all dependant on each other in far deeper ways. And that does not just apply to church life, but human life in general. We are designed to live in community and do not have all the practical or emotional resources to live otherwise.   Even the 'nuclear family' is not enough - we need others around us.  And shouldn't our church community be the place where this is expressed the most?

There are many reasons people may need hospitality. I've never been in a financial situation where I'm unable to buy enough food, but have been blessed with hospitality which I needed so much so many times in my life. Going home for the holidays as a student and being cared for after a hard term at university. Again as a student, going round to church families' houses for lunch on a Sunday - it was the only time in the week I got to experience a real home and sit on a sofa. When we've had new born babies, been recovering from surgery, or isolating with Covid-19, people have brought us food. And then time we went and camped at Christian festival with our one-year-old and it rained constantly: our little stove was not up to the job and we were very stressed. But friends invited us into their much larger tent and shared their food with us. Each of these times, the hospitality of others helped us survive and thrive. It gave us strength and revived us.

And it's not just the needs of individuals that are met through hospitality.  We need it corporately, too.  Perhaps it's because they are such universal needs, but sharing things such as food and drink seems to automatically break down barriers and replace them with bonds.  We all know that it's important for families to eat together, and anyone who has worked in a team - through employment or voluntary work - knows that the relationship of that team is strengthened by spending social time together (it's why my workplace considers it a sufficient investment to let directors stick a credit card behind the bar whilst everyone gets jolly!)   And so, in the same way, our church family is strengthened.

Hospitality is about welcoming one another, and being a family.  It is the means by which God sets the lonely in families (Psalm 68:6).  It's about ensuring that everyone does not just have their physical needs met (no one needs a coffee after church - believe it or not!), but that the ties of friendship and love are extended and then strengthened.

Hospitality isn't all about dinner parties and spare rooms.  It's inviting someone to chat after church - to linger.  It's about inviting someone in just to sit and relax or let of steam.  It's even going to someone else's house - bringing them chocolate and playing with their toddler while they feed their new born baby.  It's ensuring the single members of a congregation are not lonely.  It's giving the stressed and busy or the preoccupied something to eat when they can't gather the mental energy to do it themselves.  It's welcoming the new family in church into the community.  It's about sharing with anyone regardless of whether they appear to 'need' it or not.  It's even going to the pub or coffee shop.  It's even buying a meal for a homeless person on the street.  And, as has often been the case for us, it's about accepting hospitality.  It's ok to have the help of others, and such a joy and relief.

Hospitality is for the internal strengthening of the church (Show hospitality to one another without grumbling (1 Peter 4:9) / Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality (Romans 12:13)) as we grow as a family, AND it's about loving the stranger - those outside our community who need to know how much God loves them (Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers (Hebrews 13:2)).

And hospitality is sacrificial and humble.  Jesus said: “When you give a dinner or a banquet, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or rich neighbours, lest they also invite you in return and you be repaid. But when you give a feast, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you. (Luke 14:12-14).

We should be radical in our hospitality - a bit like our dining table.  The world would probably think our table is disproportionate - does it think the same about our hospitality?   We should push the boundaries so that we are excessive in our love, and radical in who we show it to.  Our table is also covered in pen marks and Weetabix.  It's not about presenting some perfectly executed party, but about sharing our real lives with each other.